Dumb Ways to Die, by Gavin

Friday,  November 13th 2015, after school

Today CJ gave us very specific updates from Room 283, and Gavin gave us this cartoon he penciled in Art Class today.

“Hi I’m Fred and I’m going to show you some dumb ways to die.”

image

Cartoon by Gavin in Art Class

Panel 1: Fred on a Horse
Panel 2: falling off a cliff into a shark’s mouth
Panel 3: stepping on an army anthill
Panel 4: stepping into an oncoming train
Panel 5: forgetting your parachute
Panel 6: suffocating
Panel 7: Fred in a car

By Gavin

 

Here he is showing it to Bubble Wow at the hospital today:

Bubble Wow & Gavin

Bubble Wow & Gavin

 

She loved it.

It also reminds us of this video from a couple years back (and which I am about to show Gavin for the first time):

 

So now we know.

 

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Tooth Monster

Thursday, November 12th 2015

In place of Gavin’s lost upper front and center tooth, the new one growing in is so big it’s been knocking the adjacent one askew.  Finally dangling from sinew, the askew one came out yesterday on the bus, to much excitement.  (I first heard the news from the principal, who told me about him showing it to her upon arriving at school.)   After school, miraculously, I was able to whip together this internet-inspired Tooth Monster pillow I’d been envisioning for some time now.

Toothy & Toothless

Toothy & Toothless

 

Needless to say we were all kinda thrilled. Here’s Gavin planting his tooth in the mouth-pocket for the Tooth Fairy to find.

Tooth Monster Pillow Tooth Pocket

Monster Pillow Tooth Pocket

 

And it worked!  This morning the tooth was gone with $4 in its place.  Daddy suspects perhaps this is because its Gavin’s 4th tooth… but what do we know.  (;

Meanwhile it looks like this won’t be the last of the Monster Pillows.  ClaraJane hasn’t started losing teeth yet, but she’s already planning ears and nose and things for hers.  Daddy liked it so much Gavin asked him if he’d like me to make him one for when he starts losing teeth when he’s *old.*  It’s possible Daddy would just like one with a pocket for his cell phone.  We’ll see.

In any case, here’s another look at these two because, c’mon!

Toothy Pals

Toothy Monsters

 

 

 

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Oxygen Mask

Friday, November 13th 2015

oxygen mask

 

We are blessed by friends and family sending in their support to mom and to us, often with reminders to take care of the caregiver.  I’m not the caregiver, because mom has a nonstop stream of medical professionals coming into her room every 2 seconds to check on her, more or less.  Joy.

On Wednesday of this week though, a a couple great things happened.  First of all, Mom had me tell her housecleaner to please not come (since she wouldn’t be there to let her in). So, Rosemary, the housecleaner, asked me if she’d like me to come to MINE.  Er… didn’t have to think to hard on that one.  OK!  In the nine years we’ve been together Paul and I have never hired a housecleaner for ourselves before, but I was ready.

Rosemary

Rosemary, by ClaraJane

 

Man oh man, it is amazing having someone from OUTSIDE your family come in and clean the hell UP.  Honestly it feels uplifting, inspiring and even empowering.  I’ve enjoyed a greater peace of mind and improved focus and sense of possibility in her wake.  What’s more, her presence inspired ClaraJane, who; drew her the above picture, wrote her name with my help, and -then when I wasn’t looking- wrote her name two more times without any help at all.

"ROSEMAR...

ROSEMAR… (oops)

 

My (4 y/o) baby is writing!

Rosemary

RosemARy

 

Moreover on Wednesday, Mom finally got to leave the hospital and get transferred… to another hospital!  (Emerson in Concord, MA.)  She’s finally unhooked from all the chi-chi cords… and is now free to enjoying free-wheeling chi-chi.  Ha.

By the time the kids and I got to the first hospital on Wednesday, she was already gone, so we had lunch in the cafeteria and then went out for ice cream.  It was such a rare treat to have such an unstructured afternoon with the kids, Gavin even blurted, “This is the best day of my life with you!” or something like that.

I take that as a token that the Mindfulness work I’ve been doing is paying off.  Just the ability (occasionally!) to be present without trying to change anything.  I certainly catch myself innumerable times throughout my day these days and bring myself back to the present, back to the breath, back to whatever blessings are right before me.  (Like right now: ten working fingers, keyboard, computer, electricity, wifi, good coffee, shelter, clothing, hygiene, faculties of mind and body… holy hell.  Amazing right?  I even have some cute fuzzy animals dotting the domicile, sunshine and wind in the leaves outside the windows and a big ManSlab of Hubsand -I hate to admit it- folding laundry.)  But enough about me.

Here are the kids in awe at the indoor waterfall we chanced upon after ice cream.

111 Huntington

111 Huntington

 

Today is Friday and we intend to visit Mom after school today. Her spirits have been impressively good, honestly. She even has humor. She says she is making progress that even she has to admit, although it is so little that she says we are “not allowed to use any qualifiers, like ‘great’ or ‘good.'” Yesterday (Thursday 11/12) she enjoyed a visit and some sandwich from her Son-in-Law Paul, and last night on the phone she was flying high on the pain meds. Her mind was getting very interesting and free-floating. She was both lucid and coherent and creative and non-sequitor somehow, and we enjoyed each other’s company that way. I’m trying to be careful not to be preachy, but she was somewhat receptive to a bit of coaching on centering her mind. Just observing the present, enjoy this opportunity for pain-free rest, and breathe. Tomorrow’s another day.

And alas, here it is.  Tomorrow is today.

My sister recently told me, “You don’t *have* to blog.”  I almost choked.  Because yes I do.  Blogging *IS* my oxygen.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.

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That’s More Like It

Monday, 11/09:  By the time I left the hospital Monday, Mom was at least in a more peaceful state.  She seemed to have come back from the edge of despair, and with the first of several tubes having finally been removed, was resting peacefully.

Tuesday 11/10:  By Tuesday morning she was still exhausted but answered the phone and mumbled something.  I had to ask her to repeat it, and she repeated crystal clear and loud,  “CALL BACK IN A MINUTE!”  Way to go Mom!

When I did,  she stayed on the phone with me,  while upright in a chair,  for over 25 minutes.  This may not sound like much but was actually huge progress from the despondence before.
Moreover she was thinking about getting out of there and what it’s going to take to get back to her life as she knew it.  She was also mostly receptive and even appreciative of encouragement and cheer leading.  Most importantly (to me), she acknowledged that there is no avoiding the pain that’s going to be involved in learning to walk again.  She’s going to have to face it.   I told her there is no way around it;  only through it.

Tuesday afternoon,  I had the privilege and pleasure of showing up at her beside with a passel of grandchildren.

image

Mom, Gavin, Miles, ClaraJane & Edible Arrangement

 

Because we’d wanted to bring both flowers and food, the kids were thrilled at the chance to finally shop at *Edible Arrangements.*  They came fully prepared to *help* their Baba/Bubble Wow with the fruit.  They’d also each written their own get well note and collectively insisted on bringing her a teddy bear.

And in ClaraJane’s case,  fresh artwork:

image

ClaraJane explains; “That says, ‘GET WELL SOON!'”

 

As if that and all the snacks I’d packed them weren’t enough, in walks a Candy Striper, wielding a giant cart full of fruit and snacks like magic.  We hadn’t even seen such a person in all the days here, and he shows up just when mom’s room happens to be full of children and goes,  “Do you guys like snacks?”

image

“Yes!” “Me!” “I do!”

 

There’s also this very tender and insightful chaplain who befriended us named Spritely.  He was actually pretty amazing in the generosity of his spirit,  and sensitivity to mom’s needs and family dynamics in general.  He also showed up and led the kids directly to where the secret stash of soda pop and cups are kept.  AND the ice machine.

Paul also joined us,  which very much pleased mom.  For all my faults as a daughter,  one thing going for me is having procured for her the World’s Greatest Son-in-Law.  (Or at least the tallest.)  Regrettably we all had to leave soon,  but not before getting her to actually eat a whole damn bowl of chicken noodle soup.

image

That’s the spirit.

 

She’d actually had a good night’s sleep the night before and was looking forward to another one.  She’ll need it too, because today, Wednesday 11/11:  She’s finally slated to get transferred to REHAB.  Not Mom’s idea of a good time, at ALL, but a step in the right damn direction.

She thanked me for coming yesterday, and I thanked her, for coming “back online.”  I’m optimistic that rock bottom is behind us now and that was the worst of it she got through there.

FULL CHI-CHI AHEAD!

 

 

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Not Good

Monday, November 9th 2015

image

Yeah,  so,  2nd day of post-op is reputed to be the worst.  For Mom yesterday this was certainly true.  Unfortunately her mindset seems to have suffered terribly as well.  Her viewpoint seems prone to helplessness and fatalism, she has not yet been able to comply with PT, and she is caught in the catch-22 between being being debilitated by sleep from all the pain meds, or just debilitated by unbearable pain.

I don’t know but it’s day #3 and if she doesn’t get up and move her ass soon we’re going have a whole new world o’ hurt on our hands.

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Post-Op Mamma

Saturday, November 7th 2015

Had the pleasure of waiting in the wings throughout Mom’s surgery day yesterday, and visiting her today.  So far so good!

Amanda, Mary & I hang out during Mom's surgery & Post-Op

Amanda, Mary & I hang out during Mom’s surgery & Post-Op

 

[I know, we’re on the floor in the hospital waiting area.  Don’t worry, it’s not only a really lovely and clean hospital, New England Baptist is STRICTLY orthopedic, no E.R. or infectious disease. ]

Needless to say Mom was rather medicated upon coming out of surgery (thank you Dr. Hwang), but honestly her spirits were great.  She was working hard to wrap her groggy mind around the fact that the surgery was *over* AND she was still alive!  (Generously, she had prepared herself and daughters for the unlikely possibility this would not end up the case, but alas turns out it’s not yet her proverbial *time.*  Praise be.)

Once she was settled in her room in excellent care, it was time to go home for shut eye.

Pretty hospital courtyard

Night Night Pretty Hospital Courtyard

 

After a naturally rough night, she signaled good news:

Good Signal

Good Signs

 

Being unencumbered by gigs today (halleluia), I realized I might also need to get unencumbered by these knuckleheads too.

Three Amigos

Three Amigos

 

In the meantime it was nice knowing she was enjoying the art we’d put up for her:

2015-11-07 18.45.00

 

The kids keep drawing her ROCKET SHIPS for some reason (why not).

Homespun Hospital Art

Homespun Hospital Art

 

 

The hospital also gave her a rose, and I collected some bright Ginko leaves from the courtyard.

For the Lady

For the Lady

 

 

One thing (of many) going for my mom, is the fortitude of her MENTAL ACUITY (along with all her faculties actually, seeing, hearing, etc. etc…. everything you need for full enjoyment of life besides freedom from PAIN.)  Probably the most instructive thing I’ve gained from this whole process lately is witnessing her read EACH and EVERY one of the absolutely innumerable FORMS she’s had to sign.  Each one is more convoluted than the last, and she always asks about any and every single point about which she either does not *understand* or -pity the fools- *agree.*   Here she is reading about what life is going to look like in the foreseeable future.

Reading Rehab Instructions

Reading Rehab Req’s

 

Then comes Manda:

Manda & Mom

 

And Baby Mary:

Hi Baba, can I yank out your new jewelry?

What’s up Baba?

 
Mary caused quite a stir with the nurses on the ward.  “Baby alert!”  they cried in excitement.  “Oh this must be the baby going to 413!  I heard all about her!”

Self-Styled Hospital Visit

Mary “checks” Baba’s Glasses

 

Mary goes in for snack:

"You nurse me and I'll nurse you, Mom."

“You nurse me and I’ll nurse you, Mom.”

 

Although she seems to question my dubious “balloon” decorations:

Balloon!

What the…?

 

Poor mom had a veritable parade of practitioners stream through her room all day.  It’s exhausting to entertain that many professionals, but she is in extraordinary care and she’s honestly handling it with grace, aplomb, appreciation and, I daresay, optimism and even humor.

 

Amanda Models L-3-4-5

Amanda Models L-3-4-5

 

Incidentally, one of her visits today was from, of all people, the hospital Chaplain.  Mom and he were just concluding a discussion of their differing religious beliefs when I arrived, after which she agreed to let him lead us in prayer.  Before surgery I had teased her that she hadn’t spent her lifetime’s journey overcoming her roots as a Southern Baptist to eventually *die* at “New England Baptist Hospital.”  (Haha, I know.)  But the graciousness of the Chaplain cannot be overlooked.  He was a truly lovely human being -or as Mom said, “a beautiful Christian.”  And the prayer was heartfelt and touching.

In any case, it is fantastic having Mom’s in a world class institution whose expertise and priorities, unlike our spines, are totally freaking strait.

"'Tis Grace that brought us safe this far and Grace will lead us home."

“‘Tis Grace that brought us safe thus far and Grace will lead us home.”

 

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Mom’s Spine

Friday, November 6th 2015

OK let’s get this strait (ha ha).  Here’s Mom’s spine (before surgery):

 

Mom's Poor Little Spine

Mom’s Poor Little Spine, L 3-4-5

 

In the image on the right, down the center of the spine is of course the spinal cord, shown here mostly in white.  I say “mostly” because towards the bottom the white part almost disappears altogether, because it is pinched so hard by the bones!  You can see how the bottom-most square-shaped one on the left is in fact rammed in towards the right, not in alignment with the neat stack above.

That is about all my untrained eye is able to discern, although she suffers from both a slipped disc (from August 2014) AND a long term spinal stenosis (which seems a narrowing of the bone channel occupied by the spinal nerves or the spinal cord).  Like, yikes.

Today Mom is undergoing laminectomy and fusion of her “L 3-4-5.”   That’s TWO levels of laminectomy (removing two wing-nut “lamina” bones to relieve the compression) and ONE level of fusion (melding two bones together with screws and other surgical magic).

The “BLUE SKY” scenario here for Mom is:

  • reduced leg pain,
  • better ability to walk,
  • stand up straiter,
  • increased mobility and function
  • walk better, further, longer

The total amazing side benefit mom is hoping for is also reduced *back* pain (which as of late has taken a back seat *leg pain*).  The rainy sky possibility here is she has… residual weakness in her (left) leg.

She is not to LIFT ANYTHING (more than 10lbs) for EIGHT WEEKS.  And no driving for about as long pending her level of medication, etc.  She also needs to heal from surgical wounds and grow the two fused bones into each other.  She should be out of surgery in another hour or so, then post-op, then her hospital room where she’ll be here at the New England Baptist Hospital for a couple-three days, then rehab and home type of thing.  (Whee!)

Today, in addition to Dr. HWANG, she is also in the care of these professionals:

  • Liaison Nurse Maryellen
  • Pre-Op Nurse Mary
  • Anesthesiologist Dr. Bode
  • Nurse Anesthetist Elizabeth
  • Nurse Anesthesist-in-Training Neal
  • Spinal Cord Mentoring Technologist from “Safe Passage NeuroMonitoring”… whose sole job is to monitor the electronic impulses in all of mom’s moving parts AND from inside the center of each and every SCREW Dr. Hwang drills into her bones, making sure each one is exactly in the CENTER of the bone, not in any way off center or near any nerves.

OK so that’s about all I know.  And now Amanda and Baby Mary are here, so we are going out on the beautiful patio on this warm windy fall day.

 

 

 

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Medical Terminology & Hospital Fun

Friday, November 6th 2015

Whats-up-doc

 

 

Chi-Chi:  Our family’s favorite term for “Unnecessary Torture.

ChiChiville:  The place where your pain subsumes your pride.

That’s where my mom has been spending an ever increasing amount of her time in recent past… especially since she proverbially “slipped a disc” in August of 2014.   Somehow she has continued to manage with hardly any complaints, even continuing to take care of her myriad grandchildren -Miles, Gavin, ClaraJane and the latest addition, Baby Mary- in spite of her considerable pain and  reduced mobility.

 

Green Bush:  The place the hospital intake, pre-screen administrators say you live, even though you live in “CAMBRIDGE, after one of the MANY episodes of verifying information and thrusting a SEA of incompressible legal mumbo-jumbo documents for you to sign.

 

Dr. Hwang:  My Mom’s amazing surgeon who earned all these degrees from M.I.T. and Harvard.  (Bachelor of Science, Master of Engineering, Doctor of Medicine and Master of Business Administration, respectively!)

Raymond Hwang, R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Raymond Hwang, R.E.S.P.E.C.T

 

Earlier this week I had the privilege of accompanying Mom to her pre-operative screening with the surgeon.  Dr. Hwang turned out to be everything she said.  At the risk of gushing, fawning and objectifying… he is beautiful in every way.   Courteous, lovely, thoughtful, patient, engaging, charming and -ok I’ll say it- easy on the eyes.  (Not like my DH or anything but you know.)

After all the questions and discussions and every crossed “t” and dotted “i” he *still* asks if there are any more questions.

“Do you have any concerns about operating on a 74 year old with co-morbidities?” asks my mom.

He simply, clearly, calmly says; “Do it all the time.”

Then he continues; “The thing is to know what the (co-morbidities) are, so we can manage them to the best of our abilities and get the risks down as much as possible, because we know they can’t be 0%.”

“Well,” she said reaching out to shake his hand, “You inspire confidence.”

Almost puzzled he said, “I HOPE so!”

“Not all doctors do,” she pointed out.

“Oh, well,” he hesitated, chuckling humbly, “I wouldn’t know anything about that.”

Okay I’m making up that last little part.  He never said anything the least bit immodest, self-oriented or unprofessional at all, so I made it up because he seems to have found the secret to exhibiting no human flaws whatsoever.  I mean this guy is tall, gorgeous, understanding, easy to talk to and has a voice so rich it’s like a cross between Daniel Day Lewis and Richard Burton or something.

He’s even humble and has a sense of humor when I tease him about how “diverse” it is of him having degrees from Harvard and M.I.T and say, “It’s like Country AND Western!”  (Or at least he’s tolerant of immature jokes.)

Moments later he reappears with my moms prescription for oxycodone and I exclaim, “As if we didn’t like you enough already!”

“Right, the meds,” he concurred, walking away, and as he disappeared around the corner he yells back, “Customer service!”  Apparently he really does take his MBA to heart.  (o:

[Disclaimer: I realize I’m hammering this point hard, but in my defense he *is operating* on her as I write.]

Surgeon in Surgery

Surgeon in Surgery

In any case, my mom seems to be in the best possible hands.

Also, holy smokes.  Talk about a good read, here is Dr. Hwang in an interview for Harvard Business School Alums.  I love when he says, “Nailed it!”

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Thich Nhat Hanh – Peace and Compassion

Thich Nhat Hanh [“Tick Not Han”]:

The door to all moments...

The door to all moments…

 

For anyone who like me has spent most of their lives unexposed to legendary author, Buddhist Monk, Zen Master and world renowned peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh, here is a most lovely introduction interview by way of Oprah Winfrey (from May 12th 2013).

Oprah Winfrey talks with Thich Nhat Hanh Excerpt [21mins, 47 secs]:

 

Just watching his face and listening to him talk makes me feel inspired and at ease, every time.

 

One Simple Action

One Simple Action

 

 

 

ThichNH Making Suffer Needing Help

“The message he is sending” 

 

 

to relieve suffering...

to relieve suffering…

 

 

So it's a Choice...

So it’s a Choice…

 

 

"Allowing" happiness

“Allowing” happiness

 

 

A Form of Art!

An Art!

 

 

Most Basic Kind of Peace Work

Most Basic Kind of Peace Work

 

 

 

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Knock Knock Sleepyhead

Wednesday, November 4th 2015

Upon arriving home in the late afternoon.

2015-11-04 ClaraJane’s Ruse [37 seconds]:

 

 

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