Hospital Clowning: Joke Repository

September 2018

A working compilation in progress, if you will: 

Q:  What’s brown and sticky?   /   A:  A stick.

Q:  What’s brown and stickier?   /   A:  A stick covered in poo.

Q:  What’s red and bad for your teeth? /   A: A brick.

Q:  What’s red and goes “dingle dangle?” /   A: A red dingle dangle.

Q:  What’s blue and goes “dingle dangle?” /   A: A blue dingle dangle.

Q:  What’s purple and goes “dingle dangle?” /   A:  Nothing; sorry they don’t come in purple.

Knock knock.  Who’s there.  “Who.”  Who who?        What are you and owl or something?

Knock knock.  Who’s there.  “Boo.”  Boo who?              Aw it’s okay, don’t cry!

Knock knock.  Who’s there.  “Tide.”  Tide who?          Tide of knock knock jokes yet?

Q: How do you make a tissue dance? / A:  Put a little boogie in it.
Q:  What did one volcano say to the other? / A:  I lava you.
Q:  Why do giraffes have such long necks? / A:  Because their feet stink!
Q:  What did one alligator say to the other alligator who was stealing something?
A:  Stop being such a crookadile!
Q:  What do you call a camel with no humps? / A:  HUMPHREY!
Q:  What do you call a bear with no teeth. / A:  A gummy bear!

Q:  Why did the cookie go to the doctor? / A:  It was feeling crummy.

Q:  What do you call a deer with no eyes? / A:  No eyed deer!

Q:  What do you call a fish with no eyes? / A:  Fsh!
Q:  Why is the ocean so friendly?  /   A:  Because it waves.

Q:  What’s the difference between a cow and a banana?   /   A:  A banana is yellow.

Q:  Why do ducks have feathers?  /   A:  To cover their butt quack.

Q:  What is a tornado’s favorite game?  /   A:  Twister.

Q:  What falls down in winter but never gets hurt?  /  A: Snow.

Q:  Why do seagulls fly over the sea?  /  A: Because if they flew over the bay they’d be bagels.

Q:  Why did Tigger look in the toilet? /   A: To find poo.

 

Q:  What do you call a sad strawberry? / A:  A blueberry.

Q: What animal always goes to the baseball game? /  A:  A bat.

Q:  What was the first animal in space? / A:  The cow jumping over the moon.

Q:  Where does a cow go for a date? / A:  The mooovies.

 

 

 


If by the end of the day I’ve made only one child happy… I must not be very good at my job.” lol.

Posted in art, childhood, comedy, faith, forgiveness, health, Hospital Clowning, Laughter League, learning, love, making art, mental health, patience, Performing Life, work | 1 Comment

Call Me Emily: Dispatch from the Domicile

September 11th 2018

quiet passion Emily Dickenson

The “Quiet Passion” of Emily Dickinson

 

Gradually the list emerges.  You know how it goes.  Things around the house need repair.  The first glimmer comes in a mere, imperceptible repetition.  Flushing the toilet twice.  Closing the door, again.  Turning the light switch ’round a second time.  Slowly these becomes little habits. “Just flick three times” and your home is working again.  Invisibly it devolves into dysfunction.  It’s not working.  But then it does again!  So it’s NOT broken.  Or is it?   The problem silently whispers itself onto the ever present “To Do” list churning just behind the conscious mind.  Until, ta da!  In a fanciful moment one day you midwife the problem out onto an actual piece of paper in broad daylight.  A real “To Do” list, in the flesh!  Then, wait.  Life happens.  Where did that list go?  So I write it on the mirror with dry erase marker in plain view.  Impossible to overlook.  Right?  There it stays however, naked.  Without a plan.  When, really, will this very minor problem ever become an actual priority anyway, with so much else going on all the time?

Well today I am in the Boxing Ring of domestic cleaning and organization.  The bell dings and I am gasping in the corner. taking water to my face.  All the little disrepairs swirl around my head, expectantly.  Are they mocking me?  I am outnumbered.  Powerless to redress them all within any foreseeable time frame.   Then something happens.  Out comes the pen:

Toilet.  Toilet?  Toilet!  Looks like toilet.  Sounds like toilet.  Not acting like toilet.  Why don’t you want What we have to give you?  Toilet.  Toilet?  Toilet!  

 

A simple poem.  A super dumb poem.  Soothing.  So cathartic somehow.  Healing even.

Again:

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Sink.  Sink?  Sink!  Looks like sink.  Acts like sink.  Does not drain Well.  Pretty gross.  Kinda depressing.  Sink.  Sink?  Sink!

 

Arriving home later, Dear Hubsand sees the poem for the window first:

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Window.  Window?  Window!  Looks like window.  Yuge, glorious window.  Opens like window.  Shuts like trap.  Scares me.  Window.  Window?  Window!  

 

He immediately explains to me in detail exactly what is wrong with it and what part we need to find in order to repair it.  Although I don’t want him to feel stressed, if the poem spurs us to action, so that is a great outcome.  In addition to the more immediate outcome in the sense of serenity I now feel around the problem, having so crassly laid it bare with measured, if obnoxious, attention.

All this apparently before the Dear Man has even gone to the bathroom, because when he goes in there he bolts right back out, exclaiming frantically; “The toilet is a $600 fix!”

Later I explain that these utterances are not directed at him.  That I am not trying to complain, but merely NOTING the problems, and soothing my otherwise frustration with humor.  That I think it’s funny and I’m sorry if it offends.  He accepts what I’m saying, even with only modest comfort.

These are not a referendum on you, my beloved Manmeat.   Here I think I am so clever yet meanwhile my husband is trapped in a tribunal of mockery.  Who knew that innocuous little imbecilic poems would strike terror into the heart of a magnificent family man?

How perennial is a man’s urge to FIX!  And infernal woman’s to express.  Therein lies the eternal divide.

delete wesley and buttercup.jpg

I will SAVE you from the scourge of this… FAULTY WINDOW!

 

Meanwhile my son thinks it’s hilarious.  (“Ha! Awesome,” he says upon seeing them, laughing.)

Manmeat goes back into the bathroom so I pen one for him:

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Poetry wife.  Poetry wife?  Poetry wife.  Some say, “Awesome!”  Others say, NOT.  I did not marry a Poetry wife.  Poetry wife?  Poetry wife!

 

And you know, “Nevertheless she persisted.”

 

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Lamp. Lamp? Lamp! So home made and Beloved are you. Here in the darkness.  Lamp. Lamp? Lamp!

 

 

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Ninja ball.  Ninja ball?  Ninja ball!  Ninja’d to the sky and disappeared.  But for your extremity.  Stuck on the ceiling.  Ninja ball.  Ninja ball?  Ninja ball!  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Bathroom door.  Bathroom door?  Bathroom door!  Used to close But not anymore.  Thanks a lot Bathroom door.  Bathroom door?  Bathroom door! 

 

 

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Electric kettle.  Electric kettle?  Electric kettle!  How we have depended on you With your cool, blue light.  But now it seems We cannot make Our coffee without a fight.  Electric kettle.  Electric kettle?  Electric kettle!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Black cat.  Devil?  Cat!  Looks like cat.  Acts like cat.  Eats like monkey throwing feces.  Black cat.  Devil?  Cat!

 

 

 

 

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Ninja parts.  Ninja parts?  Ninja parts!  Thought you were good At Martial Arts. Flipping ’round our walls.  But now all that’s Left of you is Sticky ninja balls.  Ninja parts.  Ninja parts?  Ninja parts!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To be continued I’m sure.

Pardon My Sanity Emily Dickenson


Posted in activism, animals, art, comedy, domestic life, faith, fight, forgiveness, health, love, making art, marriage, mental health, patience, work-life balance | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

Good Old Days by Randy Rainbow

September 2018

Although this is from almost a year ago already, a modest antidote to the blood-pressure cooker of current events in which Randy Rainbow delivers flawlessly, as always.

THOSE WERE THE GOOD OLD DAYS: A Randy Rainbow Song Parody [4:40]: 

*sigh*

Posted in activism, art, comedy, fight, fighting Fascism, history, learning, love, making art, mental health, Performing Life, politics, social justice, The Progressive Movement | Tagged | 1 Comment

Kavenaugh, Corruption and the Cookie Jar

9/11… 2018 or… 1918???

Transcript from Judiciary Confirmation hearing of SCOTUS-Nominee Judge” Brett Kavenaugh”:


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[Spot-On Transcript of Video, See Below]


Senator Kamala Harris Grills Brett Kavanaugh On Robert Mueller Investigation | NBC News [2:25]: 


 

The Judiciary Committee is to vote -perhaps on September 20th- on whether to approve Brett Kavenaugh as new justice of the SCOTUS, even though he was nominated by an unhinged, untruthful, unindicted co-conspirator to multiple felonies.  Kavenaugh has written that presidents should be above the law,  that Roe v. Wade is “unsettled law,” and more.

It is totally freaking unbelievably crazy.


Posted in activism, border family separation, fight, history, mental health, money, patience, politics, pregnancy, Religious Hypocrisy, social justice, work | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Please Call These 8 Numbers

9/11/2018

As of lives depend upon it… because they do.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Cambridge Italian Festival 2018

Sunday, September 9th 2018

#ThatsLove

 

At the risk of our poor neglected cheerdlen not having enough fun in their lives, we also managed to attend our annual neighborhood “Cosmas and Damian” Italian Festival.  Always a hit, and so amazing it’s all on one tiny little street around the corner from our house.

On this night “Parenting” included locking our kids in a little cage that goes whipping  around the sky.  I even got to subject our neighbors’ kids to the same treatment, with some gentle encouragement to push through their fears.  I guess that’s love, what can I say.

2018-09-09 Italian Festival ZIPPER [1:18]:

 

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Victorious and still alive

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#QuestionableParentingMoments

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


♥♥♥♥♥

Posted in childhood, comedy, family, forgiveness, Friendship, health, love, mental health, money, parenthood, siblings, work-life balance | 1 Comment

At Rise: Post Carnival Games

Sunday, September 9th 2018

 

AT RISE:  The Oberhauser Four are walking home from the annual neighborhood carnival around the corner.  The kids run ahead and pause just before home.

Gavin:  [Baps ClaraJane with giant big purple ball.]

ClaraJane [Screaming]: Gavin STOP IT !!!

Gavin:  [Calmly shrugs.]  Ok.

Mom & Dad:  [Look at each other.]

Mom:  I think that was one of the greatest fights I’ve ever seen.  ‘Gavin STOP IT!! … Ok.’

Gavin [Walking back to join them]:  Ha, that wasn’t even a fight!  That was just a big brother being annoying.

ClaraJane:  [Fuming on the front step.]

Gavin:  CJ you have to admit, that was pretty funny.

ClaraJane:  [Waps giant inflatable princess into his face with a thwack.  Smiles.]

Mom:  NOW it’s pretty funny!!!

ClaraJane:  [Explodes into giggles.]

Everyone [cracks up].

[Mom unlocks the door and the kids run ahead, giggling and battling their giant inflatable toys.  Mom and Dad pause to kiss, because this of course is marital bliss.]

SCENE. 


♥♥♥♥

Posted in childhood, comedy, domestic life, evidence they get along, family, fight, forgiveness, Friendship, health, love, marriage, mental health, money, parenthood, siblings, work-life balance | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment