Life’s moved too fast and my electronics have moved too slow to document things here lately like I like. Here as a poultice for my soul is a working list of the posts I *wish* to make:
Sunday 4/30 – Gavin’s (EPIC) 9th BDay Party
Sunday 5/14 – Mother’s Day w/ Boharts & Littles
Friday 5/19 – Face Painting in ClaraJane’s Classroom
Saturday 5/20 – ClaraJane Faerie Wushes
Memorial Day Weekend 2017 – DAR State Forest Camping with Friends!
Friday 6/2 – ClaraJane Kindergarten Graduation
Friday 6/2 – Hibachi Supper Fun Time with Pingitores & Grandma Z
Collecting the kids from the bus I take them to a park and give my son this letter.
He was frankly my very sweet boy again and seemed rather pleased to receive the note; particularly enjoyed my silly drawing on it and my description of my love for him:
“…like crazy cakes past the moon around uranus and back infinity times like a giant, ever-expanding cosmic fart.”
Was it sleazy to include a literal one dollar gratuity in the letter just to sweeten the association for reading it? (Hey, desperate people do desperate things. So what?)
Here is the letter:
Ice cream afterward was fun and blissfully uneventful.
(Other than some scandalous enjoyment of the latest “Boston Dig” cover. Lol.)
Gavin then asked me, “If I get my after school routine done quickly, can I play with friends?”
OMG ARE YOU KIDDING BUDDY!? That’s what it’s all about Boy. YES!!!
In case you are wondering, ClaraJane was along for the ride, blissfully unaware, seen here ironically stopping modeling some “Bleeding Hearts.”
ON the way home we added “NOT HOLDING HANDS CROSSING THE STREET” to the mental list of freedoms he’d like to acquire. (e.g.: “HOW?” -take up responsibility for the loss of safety measure, by being extra attentive, etc.)
Once home -on this first absolute summery day of the year- he negotiated and took responsibility for taking water guns and a bucket for filling them out in the yard. HIs two friends’ parents might have been reserved in granting permission, but before long they were all squealing with laughter in the yard.
“Oh wait PAUSE! I’m out of ammo. Pause!” I hear him say to his friends, reloading his squirt gun in a bucket of water.
SWEET RELIEF.
As I write now it is now Friday 5/19.
At the bus stop this morning he would not let me put sunblock on him. After dodging me a couple times he said HE would do it. “AH,” I say, “Of course.” OK so that means you work with me to learn how to do a proper job of it. He proceeds to thoroughly moisturize his HANDS with the stuff and then the bus comes. Imperfectly forward we go.
To Gavin’s list of desired freedoms this week so far we have added:
Not holding hands in traffic
playing outside unsupervised
?house keys
math game on mom’s phone
crossing street with sister to buy them both ice cream (with his own $$)!
buying a water gun at Target (*sigh*)
putting on his own damn sun block
So now instead of struggles, these are now noted conversations to have to see (whether and) how to facilitate these “freedoms.” PHEE-EW.
Or as they say in Taekwondo: KIYAAP!
Gavin gets some pointers on his board break kick from Mr. Bart.
I definitely wanted to throttle my first born yesterday (Tuesday at Grandma’s). Somehow I narrowly avoided that treachery and settled on proverbially ripping him a couple new a$$holes instead.
Stressful as it all was -especially the behavior that inspired it- as the event receded in time I sensed a distinct LACK of weight on my shoulders or crushing sensation in my chest where I WOULD have had I not avoided physically clobbering him.
Too obvious?
At any rate;
Daddy and I agree we’ve had a great 6 month run or something with practically no problems with either of the kids. And if there is a Golden Rule of parenting, it is that whatever you finally figure out… it will CHANGE. So it’s changing now, which is unsettling, but appropriate. So it’s time to go back to the drawing board and open up any and all channels for help, support and perspective.
And I’ll be damned if the universe didn’t provide a 7-stop journey for me to possibly arrive exactly where I needed to.
1) The first mom to swap notes with me assured me that attitudinal changes easily begin at 9 years old. How she dealt with hers was by offering to step off on demands of him along with offering to withdraw any number of household services of his choosing. e.g.: Would you like to take over the magical service that makes clean folded clothes appear in your dresser? Or planning meals, getting to the store, shopping for food, paying for it, preparing it, etc. etc.?
Note: FWIW, currently 13 years old, her son is already an extraordinary, articulate, caring, lovely and -get this- civically engaged young man whom I personally admire. Swoon.
2) Next was the sweet older-ish man -in his 60’s I’d say- at the restaurant where I work. Simple as he was sweet (literally the first truly naive and innocuous Chrumpf supporter I have ever met), his mother raised him to be taken care of. I guess she prepared him to be taken care of by any future lady in his life. Which is perhaps why she is still taking care of him to this day. He said it’s just boys’ nature to try to do as little as possible.
Note: On the outside I’m like, “Oh that’s nice.” On the inside I’m all, “Oh HELL NO!”
3) I am reminded of the comportment and work ethic of the two mormon boys I once let in the house years ago. After determining that I am already satisfied with my existing relationship with god, they politely wished me well and asked HOW THEY COULD HELP AROUND THE HOUSE before they go. It’s part of the requirement of their year-long mission together. I was young and didn’t need any help, but how fantastic, should-be-normal amazeballs is it that they simply always ask?
Note: Why shouldn’t Young lend their youth, strength and energy to those whose paths they cross as a normal part of our daily culture?
3) Discussing with my husband I realize that if one day my 16 year old son is invited to dinner at his girlfriends -or anyone else’s house- he had BETTER get his but up and help with dishes etc. THAT is the end game, say by 18 years of age.
Note: Our boy is nine. We are half way to legal adulthood. (Deep breaths!)
4) This morning -young Mr. Hyde rearing his head after a truceful Dr. Jekylly night- I pathetically ask our beloved bus driver to please let me know if he sees my son again, bla bla bla. He gave me a sly look and said, “You have to understand mom.. this when it starts!” Attitude stuff at this age is normal yada yada. I say so okay, what’s the appropriate response then?! Another smile as he refers to himself in the third person for the first time I have seen and says, “Well, Mr. Tyrell hasn’t worked that one out yet. I’ll let you know though!” And off roars the beloved yellow bus.
Note: How do we love Mr. Tyrell? Let us count the ways.
5) Turning to my fellow bus stop mom, she offers shockingly sound advice; i) decide your message so he feels the security of you knowing what you’re doing, ii) don’t get upset with him when he withdraws his affection, it has to be okay either way and, iii) you just need to be regular ol’ rock steady, still there unconditional love mama.
Note: Or as I described it in text to DH:
Thank god for co-parenting!
6) Rad work ninja friend mom reaches out to me with concern and support. Points out that trying to put on some kind of expert front may not always be a good idea. Also shares anecdote when her daughter’s 4th grade teacher allowed the kids to sign themselves out to go to the bathroom and back in, documenting time with the analog clock on the wall.
Note: I somehow realize that taking focus OFF unwanted behaviors and focusing ON facilitating the desired sensation of “freedoms” may well resolve the behaviors.
7) All the while I have been in communication with our wonderful School Adjustment Counselor, which more than anything helped me keep my bearings, track the madness as it was happening and -perhaps most importantly- keep me from feeling out of control. Also made doctor appointments made for celebratory round of physical and mental check-ups.
Note: Praise god and country for the access we still have to our public schools and health care. Curses upon those who would revoke it.
STAY TUNED for the scintillating conclusion of this chapter of Parenting Adventures.
Because the U.S. political scene under Hair Trump has become so profoundly batshit unhinged bizarro-world crazy town, I don’t EVEN try to explain it to my kids these days. But because we’re going to be stuck with this astrologically proportioned asshole taking up insurmountable annals in our history books, I aim to record a place marker here and there so my kids can one day look back and take a peek at this unconscionable circus from their dear mother’s point of view.
Other Clowns Not Shown: Jeff Sessions, Sean Spicer or his new substitute apologist Sarah HUCKABEE Sanders.
True things that have happened in the last TWO days;
♣ Hair Trump fired FBI Director James Comey, who is leading the investigation into said Hair’s collusion with the Russian government to throw the election that landed him this “presidency.”
♣ Hair Trump claimed this was necessary on account of Comey’s unfair treatment of his former opponent whom he affectionately calls “Crooked Hillary” Clinton. Now that six months have passed, this makes perfect sense (not).
“One reason they gave — and this is really something — for firing Comey is because he mishandled the Hillary Clinton email situation. Which is hilarious because that would mean Trump fired James Comey for making him president. He really does hate doing this job.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
♣ Kids; what Comey did as FBI Director last October was resurrect THE SAME OLD questions about Hillary’s infernal EMAIL issues a mere TEN DAYS before our 2016 election. The question –of her having used a private UNSECURED email server for government purposes back when she served as Obama’s Secretary of State– dogged her throughout the whole campaign season. Much as I dislike Hillary, this issue was nothing more than a veritable *trumped*-up Witch Hunt on the part of the GOP.
♣ Of course the the stupid f*cking misogynist Chump Supporters* had very little more than this dim-witted “email” argument to justify their need to vote for a disgusting, lying, cheating, psychopathic, narcissistically disordered billionaire for president to “drain the swamp” of regular Washington D.C. politics by replacing the players with even worse corporatist, oligarch, plundering Wall Street kleptocrats.
*Side Note:
♣ Trust me children; I wasted a GREAT deal of time trying to respectfully engage in meaningful dialogue with these “people” during the campaign season… when I could have been cleaning your room and being a better mother. I did -and do- dearly want to give them the benefit of the doubt as sentient human beings. Sadly I have had to conclude that it’s TOTALLY futile. Even more sadly these people procreate with impunity and you will have to contend with them in even greater numbers in your lifetime and they may well succeed in burning up the planet after all.
♣ TO. WIT:
[Warning: Language appropriate to content, which is to say, NOT AT ALL.]
(She also now claims she is ready to… get this; join the Resistance. omg LOL barf!)
♣ Though let’s be clear, this Bish was INFINITELY more qualified to Rule the United States, even if she is on the SAME DAMN CORRUPT CORPORATIST TEAM AS CHUMP.
[L to R]: BLOTUS Chump, $Shillary Clinton, ex-President Bill Clinton, and abhorrent taxpayer hemmorage, Mail-Order-Melania
“Although we did not find clear evidence that Secretary Clinton or her colleagues intended to violate laws governing the handling of classified information, there is evidence that they were extremely careless in their handling of very sensitive, highly classified information.”
♣ Never mind that within the first few weeks of Hair Chump’s “presidency,” he handled a literal nuclear event in South Korea from the ***middle*** of his dining room at his taxpayer funded Southern White House Mar-A-Lago resort, illuminated by literal candlelight AND the cell phone cameras of nearby guests. NO F*ING JOKE. How did he get away with this?! This unhinged monster’s unequaled talent for throwing shit-storm upon multiplying shitstorm upon the American people has us wiping our eyes and shadow boxing every. single. day. It is unprecedented and a mere 4 months into this administration we’re still stuck in the starting gate as to how and where to start getting RID of this inconceivable asshole!!!]
♣ The last time a U.S. president FIRED the person in charge of investigating said President Nixon’s treasonous activity was on Saturday, October 20th 1973 when Nixon fired a Special Prosecutor, Archibald Cox
♣ This firing fueled the flames of the most infamous scandal in U.S. Presidential history, called W-A-T-E-R-G-A-T-E. Sadly I am not currently qualified to explain to you what happened then (while I was a toddler), but I can tell you it is important because thanks to WATERGATE, President Nixon became the first American president ever to RESIGN in disgrace.
♣ A big difference between Chump and Nixon firing the chief investigators into their own fraud is that Nixon asked his Attorney General -Eliot Richardson- to do the firing; being maybe a good man, Richardson refused and resigned (in what is known as the Saturday Night Massacre.) In Trump’s case, our current lying little Attorney General Jeff SessionsRECOMMENDED the firing, even though he is supposed to have RECUSED himself of all things having to do with the Trump-Russian collusion.
♣ Let’s be clear about Jeff Sessions. He is supposed to be the HEAD of ALL LAW in the United States. He LIED UNDER OATH. About our current president’s involvement with the Russians. Also about his OWN involvement with the Russian Government.
♣ IN FACT, our BLOTUS is so insurmountably brazen that he invited the White House press corps in for a photo op with Russian Guy-Person Sergey LAVROV (I don’t know who that is) directly on the heels of firing Comey. But what did they find? (Don’t worry you’ll never guess.)
SURPRISE! It’s Henry Kissinger!
♣ Who is Henry Kissinger? Actually, remember the Nixon and Watergate stuff I mentioned from 44 years before? Kissinger was NIXON’S National Security Advisor back then!
Nixon and Kissinger in the early 1970’s
♣ Honestly Kissinger has done a bunch of other stuff all around the world since then and read many books but I haven’t read any of them and can’t even begin to tell you what he was doing in the Oval Office with BLOTUS yesterday other than to CONTINUE to confuse us and throw us off track as BLOTUS has been doing his whole public life.
♣ Actually wait, they diU.S. journalists were not allowed in!dn’t! Only the Russian press was allowed in! And today Chump is pissed about the “problem with the Russians is that they lie!”
♣ Meanwhile over in Russia, President Dictator Vladimir Putin took a few minutes out of his hockey game to answer a few questions about the Comey firing:
KIDDING! That was Andy Borowitz of the New Yorker Magazine, another of our most invaluable comedic political pundits.
♣ But really, BLOTUS is throwing so much smoke and mirrors that even “Spicy,” our favorite White House Press Secretary, was literally HIDING IN THE WHITE HOUSE BUSHES yesterday to avoid speaking to the press. NO. JOKE.
♣ In fact Spicy has so mortified himself he is spending the rest of the week hiding from the press and we have this gun toting, bible thumping stooge in his place:
♣ YES I WISH I WERE MAKING ALL OF THIS UP!! Not. Possible.
♣ Finally, the VERY inspiration for this entire post, one of the pillar saving graces of this political season, the one who says it the very BEST, in my favorite dialect no less… children, people, I give you, the self-professed “Liberal Red Neck” himself, TRAE CROWDER.
♣ Absolutely anyone, anything, besides this unthinkable *asshole.
♣ *Yes, even Pence. Bring on that typical alt-right, sexist, creationist, climate change denying, Koch’ed up homophobe next. And every asshole after that until we get our country back.
Her mind and spirits are still spectacular. It’s just some of the wheels are coming off and a fair amount of stuff klonking under the hood. Prayers and good wishes welcome for her to finish pulling through and going home. But compared to where we could be, things are, as my sister says:
