AT RISE: Mom & kids are walking to the bus stop before school the day before Boy turns ten.
Boy: Hey Mom?
Mom: Yeah babe?
Boy: Do we have any pizza left?
Mom: Well yeah (there are three boxes on the kitchen counter leftover from the birthday party), but it’s two days old now.
Boy: Well can I just tell you my idea?
Mom: Sure hon of course.
Boy: My idea was that we could heat it up, and then drive around and hand it out to homeless people and stuff.
Mom: Oh man that was I was thinking for that hour I had at home between gigs yesterday! But regrettably at this point we’ve pretty much missed our window to do that.
Boy: You had an hour yesterday? I don’t remember that.
Mom: Well yeah. When I got back you were at the park. So I let the bunnies out, edited some photos of your party, loaned (our neighbor) Semmie my bike and showed him how to blow up the tires. Then you and I practiced improvised engineering to get your badminton birdie out of the drain, remember?
Boy: Yeah!
Mom: And then I made Shrinky-Dinks with ClaraJane. It was one of the most favorite hours of my life! I loved it.
Boy: I loved it too.
Mom: But great idea though. We should definitely do it some other time.
Boy: Yeah.
Mom: Such a bummer we let that food go to waste. Hup, here’s your bus.
Boy: Bye Mom.
Mom: Bye babe, love you!
[Hugs, kisses all round. Kids get on yellow school bus and it pulls away.]
Regarding your breaking school policy today by playing a (violent) video game during free time:
Now that we have talked it under and over, here are some observations:
This was a poorly timed, useful mistake.
You were out of integrity (and also got caught).
I know you feel terrible, and are scared (of possible consequences).
Do not despair.
You have an excellent moral compass.
I have every confidence in your inner voice and higher self.
We cannot predict every situation you will encounter throughout your life.
Indeed, no parents in the history of the earth have had to help their children navigate the kind of technological environment that you are growing up in.
And no children have faced these challenges before either. Ever.
So that is what your Best Judgement is for.
So when we come up with objectives -like you performing your best in class this week- the unspoken expectation is that you also do your best to Use Your (Best) Judgement.
I will do my best to articulate that more often for now, to help you remember.
No one can save you from poor choices in your life, but you.
Only one person in the world can steer you away from poor choices in your life; that’s you.
I truly -truly- believe in you and I do not despair at all.
We -you, your parents and the staff at school- have all come up with consequences that you understand, that are reasonable, that are designed to help keep you accountable, and that provide you the time and space you deserve in order to reflect upon this and get the most out of the lesson.
You have brought up some amazing points and I look forward to exploring this further; not in a punitive way but in a learning way.
I love learning with you.
And I love you.
Forward we go, imperfectly as always.
And oh yeah, it’s your TENTH BIRTHDAY PARTY TOMORROW.
And we still have cake and pinata and posters to make.
Your face after the scheduling manager of THE Senator Bernie Sanders calls from Washington D.C. to wish you a Happy 10th Birthday.
Trick Question: What do Bernie Sanders, The Declaration of Independence and my son’s 10th Birthday have in common?
Here’s the story.
1) When I ask my son whom he would like to invite to his Tenth Birthday, he blurts out -in all sincerity- “Bernie Sanders.” And while we are absolutely realistic about the prospects of the Dear Senator actually gracing us with his presence, I applaud anyone who dares to dream, and promise my son we will send him an invitation.
2) PonderingWhat Bernie Would have us Do, I also suggest we reach out to the most progressive member of our own Cambridge City Council and invite them. That would be one Quinton Zondervan, who received the highest rating from Our Revolution, the organization borne out of Bernie Sanders’ unforgettable (100% publicly funded) presidential campaign.
3) Councilor Zondervan’s aid, Dan Totten, not only accepts our invitation, but when I inquire about arranging a brief meeting first, he graciously invites us to come enjoy a personal tour of our historic Cambridge City Hall. Today is the day!
4) Finally I get around to actually inviting Senator Sanders to Gavin’s birthday. When I call his office in Vermont, an aide answers the phone. I tell her as briefly as I can why I am calling and how inspired we are by Mr. Sanders. She refers me to his scheduling manager in Washington D.C.., Jake Gillison. I send him an email with photos and leave a phone message.
[Gavin & I marching with a giant Bernie puppet in Philly 2016. BDP Invite. Us w/ Candidate Zandervon in October 2017.]
5) On our way to City Hall my phone rings from a D.C. number. I answer and it’s Jake Gillison, Bernie’s scheduling guy! He is looking at the photos and reaching out to us in response to our call. He confirms that Mr. Sanders will be out of state this weekend, but speaks with Gavin and personally wishes him a happy birthday. OMG!!
6) “Dear Jacob:
Here is a photo of my son after getting off the phone with you.
Honestly this was a very moving experience for us; a personal and almost visceral exchange with our own federal government through you and Sen. Sanders’ office. A truly compelling experience for our whole family.
…So, thank you Jacob. We are humbled, and thankful. I promise to continue nurturing our political engagement in the progressive movement. Bless you and Bless Bernie Forever!”
7) On we go to City Hall to hang out with Councilor Zondervan.
Mostly swamp, Harvard College, and First Parish Church* where Paul and I got married!
*[which you can see on this map below at about 8:30 on the clock; a slightly bigger building by itself, with steeple]
ii: My Daughter’s Response to the City Clerk Sign:
Birth, Marriage, Death, and you’re done.
And, um, hello?!
iii: The Actual Freaking Declaration of Independence:
Talk about red carpet. For us they pull out the city’s “Selectman Record” dating back to **1769** (aka: 7 years before we were a country). It’s an old weathered leather bound parchment book which includes within it the actualDeclaration of Independence; an original genuine rendering hand quilled in calligraphy ink in 1776.
In the lower right picture here you can see a spot where a mistake was made, I presume the ink was blotted, and two lines cross it out. The penmanship work is breathtaking.
Here Councilor Zondervan points out where it says:
“…these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”
To which Gavin respectfully replies:
“Yeah, although unfortunately in those days, ‘all men‘ didn’t include everybody.”
And there you have it ladies and gentleman; the essence of our work yet to be done.
In fact Councilor Zondervan told me that while I was in the ladies room Gavin had confided his personal ethics; There should be equal rights for everyone.
Excuse me but;
May I take a moment as the Mom in this equation?
Is my work done here, or what?
OK JK but SRSLY.
I’m not crying, you’re crying.
9) “So simple yet heartbreakingly profound,” I humble brag report back to Jake in D.C., “Because in spite of his youth he is not ignorant to the plights of our times.”
And he writes:
“Hello Jennifer – Thank you so much for sharing the photos. It’s great to see Gavin so engaged with his future at such a young age. His insights for the state of the world [are] very powerful. It was the perfect response regarding “all men are created equal.” I do hope he continues to be involved and perhaps one day he will be very instrumental in fostering the much needed change.
Best wishes,
Jake Gillison”
Like I said #ImNotCryingYoureCrying.
10) Thank you Councilor Zondervan and your wonderful Aid Dan Totten!
I think the key ingredient to our April Staycation is that we THOUGHT we would go somewhere. (As inthepast.) Anywhere around really, to get out from messing up the house, driving each other nuts or stewing in our own juices. So there were THREE whole purely unadulterated, unspoken for days on the calendar to go ANYWHERE.
But some of us just got back from a big trip to California anyway, and frankly we unexpectedly just got our asses handed to us by the IRS. And Gavin’s birthday is coming up this week and -oh yeah- we love it here! What greater luxury is there than to *enjoy* the life you’ve created anyway, god forbid?
So the kids played with their friends, and we worked on projects and stuff.
1. Organizing Books:
Funny how they get read the most when they are all over the floor.
2. Playing with Friends
Not to mention spending half of vacation rollerskating around in your Supergirl Suit.
3. Dallying in the Tiny Playground
#GoingNowhereFast
My son acting “being” depressed on the tiny ride lol.
4. More Rooftop Inspiration
“This is my dog form the fuchr”
(And the dog is dreaming his way right back to her too.)
5. Preparing to be TEN:
Purple HAIR, home made case for new PILLOW, and hand painted NAME SIGN.
6. Bonding with Kitten:
Of whom we quite literally cannot get enough.
7. Random Stuff:
Knuckleheads, #TinyStonehenge, Cat Weighing Down Juggler, Sleeping Mascot
#EvidenceTheyGetAlong
And noteably,
8. IRONMAN!
Out of this unstructured down time our son leapt to the stern as self-appointed Activities Director and helped schedule our time such that we would HANG OUT on our OWN COUCH and watch ALL THREE IRONMAN movies TOGETHER. They did not disappoint! So good. In fact, spoiler alert, who do you think saves the day at the end of Ironman III?
Why Pepper Potts, fire and rage look great on you!
Notably it was heaven to spend hours, over days, all snuggling on the couch.
In conclusion, it’s not that I have zero envy of friends who toured Puerto Rico or anything, but once in a while it just seems a really good idea to listen to the cat.
I, the Mom, not only drink the Montessori cool-aid, I am a full on purveyor. That being said, the years are going by and I’m perennially dumbfounded by my kids’ ability to take the “free choice” latitude to its fullest extent… by NOT doing their classwork.
BOY: For the Boy, classwork is simply not as compelling as his profound READING addiction, to which he has almost always deferred given the slightest chance; like every day. A most wonderful problem! “The best problem a parent could ask for,” I always say. But a problem nonetheless. Especially when he is about ONE year away from middle school, and I am slowly becoming terrified for him.
GIRL: For Her it’s a bit more complicated because I seem nearly incapable of grappling with the fact that my daughter might be anything less than the indomitable, fearless, larger-than-life unicorn that I perceive. Truth is she has a well-worn switch to Shrinking Violet Mode. It grinds academic engagement -hell, any engagement- to a SCREECHING halt. I try not to put too much pressure on her, but anyone who knows me can attest to the fact I’m not exactly laid back and neither is my parenting style. I’ve no idea whether or how deeply my sometimes exacting standards have intimidated this gorgeous delicate creature into submission. In any case we are -as ever- pulling in any and all resources we can to support her.
In the meantime I wanted to document today’s tiny triumph.
TO HER CREDIT, ClaraJane had me help write a letter to her 1st Grade Teacher Ms. Z, requesting a Daily Smiley Chart like her brother’s:
ClaraJane’s Letter to Her Teachers
To Boy’s credit he was willing to share the one generously created by his 4th Grade Teacher Ms. Stefanie:
Gavin’s Daily Work Contract
ClaraJane even came up with her own goals (left column):
ClaraJane’s Classwork Chart
So we write the letter, include a copy of brother’s chart, draft the master of hers, make copies for the teacher, and THEN… I print a copy of the goals on card stock and laminate it into a necklace she can wear to school and in class! Here it is again:
• FILL OUT MY WORK PLAN
• ENGAGE IN MY WORK
• ASK FOR HELP INSTEAD OF QUIT
• COMPLETE MY WORK
• RAISE MY HAND WHEN I KNOW THE ANSWER
• OVERALL I THINK MY DAY WENT…
[Side note: $20 laminator worth every penny! Small too so it fits in a drawer.]
Speaking of which I ALSO put a laminated a copy of her goals rubber banded to Daddy Chef’s school coffee mug so he would have a copy in the kitchen with which to ASK her specific questions about how her day is going… since he’s like, right there in school with them all day every day. [Note to self: Make one to help him ask Boy too.]
So we had a great first morning back to school. Both kids are rested from break and eager to go back. Gavin got dressed and ready early and cheerfully. In a new spirit of cooperation ClaraJane even let me brush her hair. She was excited to try to this new motivational tool she orchestrated. They were both in great spirits at the bus stop, and she even waved to me from the bus this time (1st time in a while).
That’s the best I can do for now. And what a testament to a restful, restorative Staycation Break.
All I need now is some 2nd grade asshole to tease my daughter for wearing a card around her neck on a string. F*ck me, miright?
Hopefully not.
Now to email every member of their support team in and around school.
Here is a photo of my son after getting off the phone with you. 
circuskitchen 