Thursday, April 16th 2020 – Quarantine Day #34


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Song: Riptide
By: Vance Joy
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Quarantine UkeOke #34 – Riptide feat. Gavin [4:05]:
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Thursday, April 16th 2020 – Quarantine Day #34


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Song: Riptide
By: Vance Joy
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Thursday, April 16th 2020

My hospital clowning team has been busy during this pandemic cultivating the ability to visit patients virtually. We of course need some test kids so look who stopped by our Homeschool!


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Thanks Drs. Gonzo & Bucket Buster, love you clowns!!
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Wednesday, April 15th 2020 – Quarantine Day #33
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Song: Marble Halls
By: Enya
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Wednesday, April 15th 2020

CJ’s teachers walk her through her work plan today (PARTIAL VIEW)
DISCLAIMER: We are privileged by our district’s resources, our inspirational school, and the most dedicated, loving and talented teachers. With the sudden onset of quarantine, the parent is involuntarily thrown into a position of academic concierge. Depending on tech ability and number of learners at home, it causes total overwhelm. *Being* with my kids is not the problem, it’s a privilege. But the the quantity of material and demand on time and attention away from other urgent responsibilities can be incapacitating and shockingly stressful. Through sheer desperation I have quantified it here.

My conclusion?
The delivery system has COMPLETELY MORPHED into something we have never experienced before —sudden emergency homeschooling– yet the district seems to be upholding the exact same level of academic expectations; as if nothing has changed and there is no global crisis and families aren’t desperate to perform everything in their power to adapt and survive in this new pandemic environment.
My attention and talents are needed elsewhere; applying for fiscal support, reinventing a career, sewing protective gear, and being a sane healthy parent for starters!
I. Do. Not. Have. Time. For. This.
Wednesday, April 15th 2020

ClaraJane dutifully reports to the meeting with her teachers first thing in the morning.
It is 7:45am on the third school day morning of our fifth week in quarantine. All is quiet and I’m in the kitchen making tea. Our Alexa speaker goes off: “THIS IS A REMINDER: TIME FOR CLARAJANE’S TEACHER MEETING AT 8AM.”
I contemplate whether to wake her up for this. But having heard the announcement, she appears in the kitchen for hugs, gets herself dressed and asks for help logging in to the meeting. The teacher left the URL in “Google Classroom.” I help her copy and paste it into a new tab. She logs in and her two teachers are there, so delighted to see her.
They proceed to tell her that now the district is requiring them to TRACK students’ work. So in addition to all the tools we are already use, ClaraJane must also type into her “Work Plan” what work she has done.
I listen as the teacher reviews the Work Menu.
“So there’s Reflex Math. You should practice that 3X/week for about 20 minutes. Then there’s Symphony, also 3X/week for 20 minutes. There’s also Bedtime Math, and Khan Academy which I know you know because you started it yesterday. Then there’s Literacy. For language skills you should use Lexia…”
Excuse me.
“I’m sorry,” I say, scooching into the online meeting. Time out folks, I say in essence. I tell them, “I cannot promise that I’m committed to this Mission.” I let them know that This. Is. A bridge too far.
I share my thoughts and tears.
The teachers are sobered and compassionate. We all agree we are all going through this unprecedented time and experience together.
Among other things they tell me it is the STATE that is mandating that the DISTRICT have the TEACHERS TRACK the students’ WORK AT HOME by having them fill out new online work plans.
This strikes me as crazy not only because all of this is untenable, but because this is Cambridge Massachusetts -a premier hub of resources and technology- and there is no way all other districts are even attempting near as much as we are.
Moreover we know it is politicians and their corporate overlords who are making these decisions; not anyone who has stepped in a classroom or who deals in the best interest of the whole child.
Other parents online –and even our own school’s Family Liaison– tell me again and again, essentially; “Do what you think is best for the health of your kids and don’t worry they’ll be fine!”
Truth is I know this AND I’m not “worried” about them. It’s ME (and my OTHER responsibilities) I’m worried about.
Before we go rogue and opt OUT of this over-arching “academic” madness –or just even pick and choose what parts to continue– I personally need to know exactly WHAT is being asked of us, in its entirety. That is why I’ve now tabulated everything I can in my “Pandora’s Box” compendium on this blog.
NOW BACK TO MY DAUGHTER, diligently working on her work.
“UGH!!! THAT KEEPS HAPPENING!!!” she yells, shaking her fists and stomping her feet at her desk (does this count as indoor exercise?) “I click ONE THING WRONG and then it deletes ALL my tabs!!!”
Here she is going back to her class website to click through all the links to get back to the work she was just working on. I am so proud of her.

ClaraJane practicing grit and determination as she navigates back to the program she was just using.
It’s true my child is capable of so much more than I ever knew. I am still unconvinced of our OBLIGATION to take on all that is being firehosed upon us.
Wednesday, April 15th 2020

AT RISE: Mom has started making breakfast. Both kids are “working” at their desks. Mom pauses to think again and peers at Boy suspiciously.
Mom: Hey Babe. What are you working on?
Gavin: [Quickly switches screen view and looks up.]
Mom: Be HONEST.
[They look at each other.]
Mom: Be honest honey. With me, and with yourself.
Gavin: [Sheepishly.] Watching some guys mountain bike on ridges and stuff.
Mom: [Exhales. Smiles.] Sounds awesome. Why don’t you come help me in the kitchen a little?
Gavin: OK! [Hops up and comes into kitchen.] Want me to unload the dishwasher?
Mom: That would be fantastic.
Gavin: OK! [Starts unloading dishes.] Are these even clean?
Mom: Yes.
Gavin: [Inspecting a couple bowls.] They don’t look clean.
Mom: Lemme see. [Squints at the bowls.] Agh, close enough. We’re not going to die from that…
Gavin: [Starts to put them away.]
Mom: TODAY.
Gavin: [Bursts out laughing.]
SCENE.
Wednesday, April 15th 2020

AT RISE: It is 9:30am in The Homeschool and everyone is on their computers. CJ is working on Reflex Math and Mom is online after stress-eating a block of cheese.
CJ: Mom can I have some breakfast?”
Mom: Oh honey, sure.
CJ: Afterall, [raises one finger] ‘One cannot subsist on Reflex Math alone!’
Mom: !
SCENE.
Tuesday, April 14th 2020 – Quarantine Day #32
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Song: Ooh De Lally
By: Roger Miller
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Tuesday, April 14th 2020
(Please note this rant is from the day *before* things were coming to a head. Now that we’re coming out the other side it feels safer to post, mostly just for posterity in this historical time. Proceed at your own peril.)

I swear to god almighty in hell. After the day I had yesterday in which there is no way I –me– could have more to give.
By the time we’re up this morning I get an email from the teacher letting me know ClaraJane missed her 3rd grade meeting today.
Nevermind that yesterday she had 3 school meetings and other online activities the entire day. [Yes, my child. The youngest child of the mom who is committed to protecting her children from too much screen time.]
Today instead, teacher has left a message for CJ in the “Google Classroom.”
CJ gets the message. It says to start a… (drumroll please) NEW ONLINE PROGRAM!
So -daddy is home today- Daddy and her are working through that at lunch.
Then they undertake the science assignment. Here he is helping her measure the friction of different surfaces using rollerskates:

And yes that is so totally awesome, but it is still fraught with peril and ends up with her curled up with a book under a chair… on top of a couch.

Teacher also needs CJ to sign up for a new online meeting to go over what she missed this morning.
She doesn’t know how to do it. Daddy doesn’t know how to do it.
Guess what, I might! I double check with teacher:
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
I have no plans on being awake, dressed or ready to support anyone for a meeting with anyone at that time. At this point I might plan to be dead.
This stress is killing me. And I know there are parents across the land struggling with homeschooling. But for some reason I am not in touch with any of them and I feel completely alone. I mostly hear about people getting sick of their kids. I’m not sick of my kids. I’m sick of the absolutely relentless punishment of assignments, expectations, deadlines, MEETINGS MEETINGS MEETINGS, WEBSITES and APPS.
I literally had the sweetest mom who I love dearly say to me, “HERE TRY THIS APP, IT MADE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER!!” Call me defeatist but I did not try the f#cking APP. (Mainly because she is not in my specific shoes and I am still desperate to find anyone who is.)
If one more person asks me to try another APP I swear this letter opener on my desk is going strait into my eye socket.
A for-real, pointy sharp LETTER OPENER.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Tuesday, April 14th 2020

AT RISE: It is mid-morning at home. Mom and Dad are deep into Homeschool Custodial Duties as the children work on schoolwork at their desks.
MOM: [To Boy] Whatcha workin’ on Babe?
GAVIN: Oh, a “Tribute Poem.”
MOM: [Jokingly] To ME?
GAVIN: No. Dad.
MOM: Really!? I was just kidding. [Pause.] But… you didn’t want to write it about MOI?
GAVIN: Well you were being really mean at the time, so… too bad!
MOM: [Joking.] Well maybe if you weren’t such a jerk I wouldn’t be so mean!
GAVIN: Oh come ON! You were just telling me if I wasn’t such a great “self-directed learner” that you would be “sunk.”
MOM: [Pause.] You’re right. Fair enough. I deserve that.
SCENE.