Baby’s First Opthomalogic

Thursday, March 25th 2021

ClaraJane’s very dilated eye.


We’re having a high-maintenance theme to ClaraJane’s week. Today’s flavor is ophthalmology.

The lovely tech at Somerville Hospital administers one of many eye exam tests.


Long story short, girlfriend is nearsighted in her left eye, sees perfectly through her right, and has two totally healthy eyeballs; just a little “big” in length from front to back, making it… (?)impossible for her left pupil to dilate enough for her to see far. That’s it.

Phew! Cuz man, the eyeball situation on her dad’s side of the family is wild. For her to escape with two immaculately healthy eyes is both a blessing and a bullet dodged.


[Old-timey Oberhauser family photo here.]


Me: Are there any therapeutic exercises she can do to promote health and function in her eyes?

Eye Doctor: No. But here’s a prescription for glasses.

Me: [Underwhelmed.] Should we fill it?

Eye Doctor: [Shrugs.] Up to you.

Also Me: Should I blow up this picture of ClaraJane for her brother’s wall?


Her Brother: Um… how ’bout, no? No thank you! [Laughs nervously.]


Back at home and feeling woozy from the ordeal of dilated pupils, she is remanded to the couch, with her favorite Nurse of course; Peter Porker. Peter Parkour! Peter Parker.


About circuskitchen

performing artist, mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, niece... just a regular extraordinary person
This entry was posted in animals, cats, childhood, comedy, family, global inequity, health, learning, Look at that Cat, love, making art, mental health, money, parenthood, parenting, patience, science. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Baby’s First Opthomalogic

  1. B Wow says:

    I want to see the old-timey Oberhauser family photo.

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