Friday, March 27th 2020
AT RISE: It is late morning on homeschool quarantine day #10. CJ is on the couch doing “Symphony Math” on her Chromebook. Mom and Dad are babbling incoherently about something or another, just like real life annoying grownups.
CJ: [Muttering quietly through clenched teeth.] How do you expect me to do this problem that requires listening with only one earbud working and you making all this noise!?
Mom: [Pauses.] Is she talking to us?
Dad: Hmm?
Both: [Look over at CJ]
CJ: [More emphatically.] How do you expect me to do this problem that requires listening with only one earbud working and you making all this noise!?
Mom: [Thinking of multiple solutions.] Is that something you want help troubleshooting or is that your way of telling us to be quiet?
CJ: [Cold stare.] It’s a rhetorical question.
Mom & Dad: [Look at each other, impressed. Dad shrugs. Mom exhales.]
Mom: Wow! All we have to do is nothing. Fantastic.
Mom & Dad: [Exchange a tiny kiss, and then SHADDUP.]
SCENE.
When your child’s verbal skills exceed your own…