Tuesday, May 1st 2018 – All Clowns’ Birthdays
May First is considered the Official Birthday of All Clowns. It is also a term used by circus folk to expose the inexperience and mistakes of the newest clowns to join the circus. So it is only fitting that I am paired today with one of our team’s most senior (tho eternally young) members. And that supportive as he is, he still blatantly tallies the number of drops I make while juggling throughout the day. Three. (To his zero.)
Such an uneven day for me at the hospital today. My partner is amazing and always ON. Sometimes I feel fantastic and sometimes I feel completely lost like I have no idea and I’m just faking it. I know it’s par for the course so no complaints. The journey continues.
1) BURP FOR THEM
In Pre-Op this morning for one patient I start sharing my amazing burping ability, to the dismay and disgust of Dr. Gon’ Golfin‘. He is absolutely adamant that I not do that at the hospital. So I do it a few more times to get it out before giving it up forever. Afterward he takes me aside to let me know we don’t need to guess the gender of the patient, as I had called a “she” a “he.” I was as surprised to learn that I had messed up the pronoun as I was to learn Gon’ Golfin doesn’t mind the burping at ALL. He just enjoys playing the strait man; convincingly well.
2) MUSIC PAR-TAY
Also in Pre-Op was a charismatic four year old enthusiastic little boy who loves every second of us. We pull out all the stops in our music and antics for him and I wonder if he won’t get exhausted from all his fervent dancing and wiggling. “YOU GUYS ARE MAKING ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!” he exclaims.
A friend recently asked me how we know we are having an impact on our patients. I told her something like; we are reading the patients all the time no matter what, that’s our job. But apparently sometimes you they just TELL you.
3) COSTUME CONTEST
We enter the room of a reputedly quiet, almost sullen-seeming 14 year-old teenager. As usual we have no plan and little notion of how it’s going to go. The patient and their mom seem to perk up a bit just at the sight of us in the doorway. I tell them we are having a costume contest and collecting votes for whose is best. I am glad as ever to have found a hook, especially because I garner TWO votes for me and a gratuitous “NOT YOU” for Gon’ Golfin’. So I am the WINNER.
Heading around a corner we pass a child who gives a little hop of enthusiasm as we pass by. Playing in the moment I give a reciprocal hop and ask if that’s how we’re traveling down the hall now. Gon’ Golfin’ whispers in my ear that the patient’s leg is injured and that’s why they’re walking that way. I whisper a string of expletives back to him and myself, mortified at my error. @!$%&!!
5) JOKES DU JOUR
CAT-CR, Dialysis and Aphoresis are all on a floor where patients come regularly to receive transfusions, so we see them a lot. Some of them have been coming for their entire lifetimes and are not even children anymore. Here are jokes I collected from some of them today:
Q: Why is the ocean so friendly? / A: Because it waves.
Q: What’s the difference between a cow and a banana? / A: A banana is yellow.
Q: Why do ducks have feathers? / A: To cover their butt quack.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game? / A: Twister.
Q: What falls down in winter but never gets hurt? / A: Snow.
Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea? / A: Because if they flew over the bay they’d be bagels.
Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet? / A: To find poo.
6) NO TIME FOR SHAME
That’s right. Dr. Be Bopper
steals collects steals jokes and I’m not even ashamed. Good thing too because one “frequent flier” insists I tell a joke back. So I pull out some of our team’s old ones that are so tired they should be dragged out behind the barn:
Q: What’s brown and sticky? / A: A stick.
Q: What’s brown and stickier? / A: A stick covered in poo.
Q: What’s red and bad for your teeth? / A: A brick.
Q: What’s red and goes “dingle dangle?” / A: A red dingle dangle.
Q: What’s blue and goes “dingle dangle?” / A: A blue dingle dangle.
Q: What’s purple and goes “dingle dangle?” / A: Nothing; sorry they don’t come in purple.
But at least I don’t choke. Really need to beef up my jokes though. Any suggestions?
By all means, comment below. Please!
#HospitalClown #MayDay #FirstOfMay