The Armadillo Song

October 28th 2015

In the Crosshairs

Caught in the Crosshairs, Naturally

 

As God is my witness this song has been coming through me for the past few days, in the interstices of my activities.  I even previewed it last night at Open Mic in Lynn, MA after I got off work.  It was inspired 100% by a real events in the news along with pervasive views in our culture.  It has been a gripping experience to have tripped upon such an unadulterated channel through which to pour my moral outrage.  It has a melody and everything and I can hardly wait to record it.

Hold on to your chaps.  Here is a rough recorded version, followed by the lyrics:

The Armadillo Song [8:59]:  Recorded at Local Music Unplugged, Billerica on 2016-01-30. (Yes, that’s NINE minutes… there’s a reason this song basically NEVER ENDS.  Guess the reason.)

 

THE ARMADILLO SONG, aka:  JUST SHOOT ME 

by Jennifer Oberhauser

C                                            F

When I shot that armadillo in Amarillo

C                                                 G

Well the bullet ricocheted back in my face

C                                        F

So I guess that armadillo in Amarillo

C                        G                          C

Sho nuff put me right back in my place

 

If you ask me why I shot that armadillo

I spec’ you ain’t done never had no kinda fun

Cuz although there’s blood drip’n in my sarsaparilla

‘Least I’ll always have a best friend in my gun

 

‘Nen there’s this other guy who shot an armadillo

N’ the bullet bounced on through the double wide

He musta been a pretty darn right lucky fella

When it plowed on into his maw-in-law’s side

[CHORUS]:

F                            C

GUNS GUNS FOR EVERYONE

C                                                    G

FREE TO LIVE AND DIE THAT A’WAY

F                                               C

STRIPES AND STARS NOT GUN CONTROL WARS

C                                       G  C

JESUS GOD BLESS THE N.R.A.

 

N’ there’s this guy named Tex who liked to drink his own pee

Said it tastes like real warm flat and salty beer

Shot his leg and then the bullet came out his knee

How it did that from his thigh just ain’t quite clear

 

But like he says when the zombie appoc’lypse comes

We’d better finally have some equal rights for girls

Survivors need girls leftover to be moms

Or I s’pose we can just let’m shoot at squirrels

 

 

 

S’Like my friend who needed food upon her table

N’ats why she found herself inside Walmart that day

Her baby found her gun as soon as he was able

And then that there baby blew his mom away

[CHORUS]:

 

If you’re gonna shop with guns beside your baby

Don’t put them down in the same portion of the cart

‘Cuz if’n you do then don’t you know just maybe

You’ll get a bullet from your baby through your heart

 

Like from the .22 caliber Crickett rifle

Single-shot gun sized just right for kids is best

To a boy of just five years it was a trifle

Shot his 2-yearold baby sister in the chest

 

Well the coroner called the accident just crazy

‘Splainin’ how it happened to an angry mob

I bet some folks find his explanation lazy

When in fact all those guns help him keep his job

 

[CHORUS]:

 

The cashier said “you can’t put kids inside a bubble

Nat’s why she’ll always keep guns in her home

Start ‘em young with guns and keep ‘em out of trouble

Just pray to Jesus they don’t play with ‘em alone.

 

Like the boy who took his toy gun to the playground

The cops shot him in the front or in the back

For just a toy he fell dead right there on that ground

Or I s’pose he just got shot for being black.

 

Then there’s the baby kill’n a cop’s wife at a cookout

‘Nother’n blew away his 6 year old playmate

They’were  playin’ cops and robbers on the lookout

That’s the risk you take when havin’ a playdate

 

[CHORUS]:

 

If a kid is huckin’ rocks out on the playground

Then all the other kids should get rocks too

‘Cuz the only thing’ll help when standin’ yer ground

Is if you huck your rock before one’s chucked at you

 

Ain’t nobody should be made to put a rock down

And teachers need to learn their way round firearms

With all them babies huddled tight in lock down

S’like fish in a barrel with no alarm

 

But what with all these babies shootin’ babies

I’m s’prised Big Brother doesn’t mind somehow

Least they dyin’ from they bullets and not rabies

N’ praise Jesus they’re all up in heaven now

 

Our white founding fathers must have been elated

Swearin’ on bibles that we’d always have our fun

Even though we’re s’posed to be well regulated

I wave that point with the smokin’ barrel of my gun

[CHORUS]

GUNS GUNS FOR EVERYONE

FREE TO LIVE AND DIE THAT A’WAY

STRIPES (BARS!) AND STARS NOT GUN CONTROL WARS

JESUS GOD BLESS THE N.R.A.

I MEAN GOD F#@% THE N.R.A.
GO TO HELL AND DIE N.R.A.
GIVE US BACK THE U.S.A.

 

Death by Crickett

Death by Crickett

 

 

Baby's First Gun

Baby’s First Gun

 

 

'MURICA!

‘MURICA!

 

 

SHORTHAND NOTES TO SELF:

Armadillo Shorthand

About circuskitchen

performing artist, mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, niece... just a regular extraordinary person
This entry was posted in domestic life, education, parenthood and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to The Armadillo Song

  1. D.C. vs. Heller – Supreme Court Case where Justice Scalia MADE UP the right to own guns… June 26th 2008!

    Oyez…. where you can listen to opinions etc. on cases.

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