October 16th-18th 2017
Was SO looking forward to the first workshop day with my new hospital clown team mates. And it WAS wonderful. And I LOVE them. Especially every single one of them!
And our team therapist, and most of the clown exercises; even when they were uncomfortable or confusing, excruciating or challenging, and requiring great trust and vulnerability.
Unfortunately there were also aspects of it that left me embarrassed, dismayed, awkward, shrinking and ashamed. Really shitty feelings basically. For reasons beyond my understanding, this has affected me beyond my ability to shake the deep feeling of ICK I’m experiencing inside. It’s oozing sadness and I’m perplexed as to WHY it’s so acute.
So if I don’t look like much of a clown in our group shot above, that might explain it.
I know I’ll get through it (obvs), especially as I’m performing my FIRST full day off rounds TOMORROW.
Oh well. It was just one f*cking workshop. My team mates are still all 100% the tops, and that’s all that matters.
“MOM!! DO WE HAVE ANY MORE EMOTIONAL HYGIENE?!?”