World’s Worst Breakfast

Thursday May 12th 2016


“Sorry guys,” I tell the kids, “We’re gonna be too late for School Breakfast with Daddy today.  Guess we’ll have Car Breakfast with Mamma.”

“UUUUUUUUGGGH,” groans my Night Owl, Dragging-in-the-Morning Boy, “Does Car Breakfast have cereal?”

Me:  [Laughing]  What?!

Him: [More emphatically]  Does Car Breakfast have cereal?

Me:  [Thinking of how we recently invested $200 in having the detail-cleaned.  Um, ya-]  No.

Him:  [Groaning again.]  UUUUUUUUUUUGGGH!

*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *

Arriving at school some 20 minutes later, “Well I guess there are worse breakfasts in the world!” I posit optimistically.

“NO,” says ClaraJane bluntly.

Gavin and I giggle.  (As apparently some blood sugar has made it to his head.)

“Really?!” I ask, “There’s nothing worse than apples, crackers, candy and fruit snack?”

NO!” she insists, surely contrasting with Daddy’s loving School Breakfasts in mind.

“Yeah what about Worm Salad?”  I ask.

“Oh yeah!  Yeah,” she concedes, as if knowingly.

“With diarrhea!!”  Gavin adds cheerfully.

Descending into giggles, we create the menu for the Worst Breakfast in the World.

And lucky you here it is for your edification:

Worst Breakfast in the World

Worm Salad

with Diarrhea Dressing,

Hard Nodules of Poop for croutons

and “dirt on the side.”


The weirdest thing about this dish is that part of me is proud of my son for coming up with two different presentations of the same ingredient.


Gavin adds:  And urine for a drink!

ClaraJane:  No PEE for a drink!

Me:  OK.


And as they say before lunch in Tobin Montessori Children’s House:

Bon appétit.  Now you may Eat!

About circuskitchen

performing artist, mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, niece... just a regular extraordinary person
This entry was posted in childhood, comedy, domestic life, education, faith, family, food, forgiveness, health, love, mental health, parenthood, patience, school and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s