So we did it.  By doing “IT,” we proved we COULD do it.  But what did we do?  And at what cost?  Here’s what went down.  Seeing as:

1) I have wrought unto my family a Reign of Holy Terror Frugality

2) I have a commitment to periodically drag my husband out to random works of experimental fringe theatre (if and when we get out, he actually lets me do this)

3) I entered to win two complimentary tickets to an aforementioned type of “show” (and won!)

4) I asked my husband if he would go out with me (and he said yes!), YET…

5) Our desires for babysitting from our known (free) resources went unrequited.

Therefore,  we had a dilemma.  Should we stay or should we go?  It’s too late to *hire* a babysitter, but are we really willing to stay in tonight, like any other night?  After deliberation and reconnaissance, we make the dubious decision to DAMN the torpedoes, BRING the rugrats and GO to the show.  Nevermind that the show in question is comprised of a physical comedy duo of two guys pretending to be CONJOINED TWINS, and that we would have to explain to our preschooler what that even IS.   Nevermind that I *was* aiming for a no low budget night.  So alas, with a whopping $50 cash budget in pocket (to cover parking and kids’ admission in support of The Arts) we were off.

It’s kind of crazy to realize that as parents, in some ways you don’t even NOTICE you don’t get out much, until something abnormal like “Valentimes” rolls around to remind you.  Did I mention the conjoined twins in question are “looking for love?”  Ergo the “Left and Right Valentine’s Show!”

After a nail biting hustle to get there, we settle into the theatre.  And can I just tell you?  The actors are already on stage, asleep in their stage bed, snuggling their teddy bears… who are ALSO conjoined.  (I think  that is worth the price right there.)  Then come the divine moments that you can only get from sharing live theatre with your family.

“Doctors” Left and Right performing a Love Experiment on an audience member

First, there is, simply, ClaraJane herself, melting peoples’ hearts with her looks.  And by “looks” I mean the way she LOOKS at everything.  (And I mean everything.)  I can literally see peoples’ breath taken away when they happen to glance over and catch this angelic little baby actually watching the show too.

She is magic to me.

Then there is Gavin, whose mindset is apparently perfectly suited for some of the slapstick.  Gavin’s laugh is as heavenly as his sister’s face.  His giggles and guffaws make people around us laugh even more, not to mention the whole theatre when he hollers, “YOU GUYS ARE SILLY!”  And when the conjoined twins launch into their first *interactive dance* number (their conjoined version of the “Macarena”), Gavin (having never heard the Macarena, as far as I know) gets so excited he *literally* falls out of his seat, head first, onto the floor.  Shaken but undeterred, he brushes himself off per usual (to the amazement of some now somewhat familiar nearby audience members) and resumes the madness.

Shaken but undeterred.

Then there is Paul’s cell phone.  Having magnanimously volunteered to change the diaper of ClaraJane, who lovingly timed a stinkbomb to coincide with the beginning of the show (“Flying Diaper Change” in the Men’s room, anyone?), Paul arrives in his seat a little late and I forget to relay him the reminder about silencing cell phones.  So yeah, we’re the numskulls who brought our kids in the first place, AND he gets to be THAT guy.  Fast forward to later in the show, as I’m digging in and out of my “Everything Bag” (which might be called a “purse” or a “diaper bag” if it were either of those things, but it’s not) and somehow I set off MY phone, broadcasting some tune from Pandora!  Did I mention this is an almost completely silent show?  (Thus, physical comedy, glory be.)   The jovial lady behind me teases us, “You guys are 0 for 2!”  She is great and clearly enjoying our kids along with the show (although I can’t be so sure that is the case for the actors).  Afterwards I humbly concur with her that yes, our children were better behaved than us.

So THAT was fun.  Now we hightail it out just ahead of our children’s respective meltdowns.  (Think Indiana Jones running from The Boulder.)


Eventually we arrive home.  The kids are such a mess…  we have to put them down (only to bed though).  My nerves are shot.  I collapse on the couch with my gracious, long suffering, long husband and a bottle of wine.   Ahhhh.  Whew.

Hmm…  bringing rugrats on your date.  Not the most brilliant idea I’ve ever had.  Do I regret it?  Not really.  Would I like to do it again?  Umm… not so much?  I mean, we had a special experience (yay).  And, we’re pooped (okay).  And, it’s nice to expose the kids to cool stuff (yeah).  But not in LIEU of enjoying a nice connected, restorative, adult-ish evening with my husband?   Dunno.

Next time …well hell.  I could make some proclamations about what we need to do *next* time.  (Like, just *hire* a babysitter in advance right?)  But it’s a miracle we got OUT at all.  It is what it is.  Another episode in the High Sea Adventure that is Married Life with Children.  The one that I signed up for.

Besides, I also got THIS:

He doesn’t look too miserable does he?


And by the way, as Gavin would say:  HAPPY VALENTIMES DAY!

About circuskitchen

performing artist, mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, niece... just a regular extraordinary person
This entry was posted in childhood, domestic life, family, love, marriage, mental health, parenthood, patience and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Valentimes

  1. Bubble Wow says:

    A masterpiece!

  2. Paul says:

    Even with all that it was a good night out.

  3. Bubble Wow says:

    And your good night out was enjoyed by others besides yourself! Jane Ann and I laughed our asses off, texting each other at 2 o’clock in the morning after reading the account.

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