WE’RE IN! We’re in! We’re in! We did it! We did it! We’re IN!
After TWO MONTHS of battling a Red Tape Bureaucracy (RTB), our application for Gavin to attend this state subsidized PRESCHOOL was FINALLY APPROVED. So, it’s not just our own humble opinion that we are currently
poor financially challenged enough to be eligible for this assistance, it is also the opinion of the STATE.
After SIX rounds of paperwork in which we did our VERY BEST to UNDERSTAND and comply with the requirements of the application, our eligibility was finally APPROVED!
Q: Which part of “Professional Juggler” did they not understand?
A: ANY OF IT!
The first thing they wanted -after preliminary proof of residency, citizenship and tax return- was the documentation of all my work hours for the previous three months. Now, a mailman friend of mine says he could tell you exactly what hours he clocked for work in the past three months, but I’m sorry; between gigs, marketing, booking, correspondence, costume and equipment building and repair, travel, research, publicity, bookkeeping, trips to the bank and other errands, not to mention HAVING A BABY and doing whatever I can whenever I can between diapers and spitup (and where does my poor husband fit into all this… everywhere I’m afraid…): WHAT, exactly, are my “WORK HOURS” supposed to be?
After about round 3 of submitting paperwork that got rejected, not being able to describe what they were looking for using their charts, I made my OWN own chart, which I believed a more true reflection of business operations. I also wrote letters, got testimonials… you name it, I provided it. To which I received the reply: “Receipts/contracts provided are not usable documents as verification of your eligibility, neither are your profile/bio/adds….”
Finally I made up a system for estimating my work hours… somewhere between what I have actually been ABLE to do with Gavin still at home, and what I actually NEED to reasonably MANAGE BUSINESS. In addition to calculating work hours for a MONTH, the form also asks you to state this in average work hours for a WEEK. Simple math. Monthly hours divided by the # of weeks = weekly hours. How many weeks in a month? Depends on how long the month is, right? August for example has 31 days, which is 4.4 weeks (31/7 = 4.4). September has 30 days, which is 4.3 weeks (30/7 = 4.3). The response to my calculations? “Hours worked weekly do not agree with the total hours worked in the month.” Such as for September. “You stated you worked 133 hours for the month, and 31 hours weekly. 133/4.33 = 30.72 hours.”
Um, September has 4.33 weeks? Ok. 52 weeks divided by 12 months = an average of 4.33 weeks in a month. Fine. But, seriously? 31 average hours “does not agree” with 30.72 hours? That is a .28 hour difference, or 17 minutes, in a week. And there are more examples too, but I’ll spare you.
My question is, who THINKS like this!? The answer is, of course, NO ONE. This is RTB protocol, not someone *thinking.* Numerologic, not Regular Plain Old (RPO) “Logic.” *Thinking* has no place in this scenario. Thinking can get you in trouble. In fact the more I think about all this, the stupider I feel. Like I have LOST IQ points through this process. In fact YOU have just lost IQ points by reading this. Ha ha. Did I mention I also lost some sanity? Indeed. So I’ve got some sanity to go look for. I’ll start with gratitude, which right now feels like a blissful haze settling over me as I think about actually having TIME to function in the coming weeks, and my son having a fun, safe, stimulating and structured place to be during weekdays. Hey now I can just kick back and chill, right? Time for plain old Business as Usual. Life is going to be so EASY now. Supporting the family with juggling tricks; no sweat!
I just need somewhere to put the baby.